Sunday, January 24, 2010

THE PERILS OF FILM COLLECTING AND THE BEAUTIFUL AWKWARDNESS OF DANCING WITH JAMIE LEE CURTIS


besides watching too many films and reviewing too few films, i also collect me some films. well, i try to collect films. because of my loose allegiance to his holiness the dave ramsey, i do not buy as many films as i would like. and i never buy new or full-priced films. i only buy dvds off clearance racks in rental stores or from the "what's hot" rack at best buy. half priced books gets a portion of my monthly allowance, though i refuse to pay more than $5 for a vhs or a dvd.

oddly enough, i'm quite finicky with what i put in my film collection. at the moment, i'm working on a reputable collection of 80's comedies, children's animation, and classic slasher flicks. the latter category is the most fun to shop for, and probably because classic slashers are difficult to find.

for instance, i searched for the 1980 jamie lee curtis scream-queen classic, PROM NIGHT, for nearly two years before scoring a vhs copy at a half-priced bookstore in austin, texas. unfortunately, my vcr was broken, so i could only stare at the vhs box, sending pictures of the angry jamie lee cover to john and myles with my camera phone. finally, and surprisingly, i found a brand new dvd copy of PROM NIGHT at a record store in kansas city. to his holiness the ramsey's chagrin, i paid $10 for the disc, never thinking twice about it.

(have i mentioned lately how much i love the jamie lee curtis? probably not. might as well not start here. but, wow, jamie less curtis . . . . . . )

so after all that searching, all that waiting, all that tripping up of dave ramsey's gazelle intensity, i really wanted to love this film. i wanted this to be the best slasher film i had ever seen. i was even prepared, possibly fueled by the romanticism of a long hunt, to pronounce PROM NIGHT's triumph over HALLOWEEN (jamie lee's debut) and FRIDAY THE 13th (my slasher debut). i was prepared to do something that perverse, awarding PROM NIGHT all manner of hamsterian hyperboles and jamie lee gusheries. but i was not prepared for how badly this film sucks.

and this film hella sucks. it's not the worst film on the planet (THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK) or even the worst slasher film i've ever seen (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME). PROM NIGHT is just a boring, poorly executed, overly obvious crime drama. each attempt to confuse the killer's identity by way of a creepy school janitor or rumors of a prisoner escape only solidifies the killer's identity. as one reviewer for RottenTomatoes says, "it's quite easy to figure out the killer's identity by simply keeping track of who is off screen a lot."

regardless, in every one of these horrible slasher flicks there is always the one golden 4-minute scene crammed into the dreadfully dull 90 minutes of worthless movie. in PROM NIGHT, the golden scene is jamie lee's prom queen dance with the prom king. fortunately, i've saved all of you the misery of sitting through PROM NIGHT by providing you, in the screen below, with the best 4 minutes of the whole mess. the awkwardness of this scene is delicious, and i'm only sad that the video quality linked below does not show the david brent lip biting intensity on jamie lee's face. she's really giving it here, and not very well.




PROM NIGHT gets 2 uber-serious leslie neilsen's out of 5. after two years of searching clearance racks, bargain bins, thrift stores and garage sales, i expected (or hoped for) way more than this film delivered. but we live and we learn. we grow alongside our film collections. and though our collections reflect some weak moment in our financial history, we do not reflect our collections. i, for one, am exceedingly glad for this truth, as my PROM NIGHT dvd now sits alongside a copy of FIREPROOF.

dear Lord, do not tell dave ramsey where my gazelle intensity has scampered off to.

5 comments:

John Barber said...

The movie may not get a high rating, but that youtube clip gets about 43 booty-thumpin' Disco Madnesses out of 5. Totally awesome. I tried to get this from Netflix a while back but it was on Very Long Wait...

the hamster said...

as much as you an i disagreed on THE BURNING, i'd appreciate your take on this one. i'm thinking you might actually like it.

iZombie said...

fun... they are... good...?

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