Friday, May 22, 2009


i'm writing this post at 3:24 am. 

went to a farewell party tonight for my dear and beautiful friend, jen borden. drank two piping hot cups of excellent joe out of stephanie lee's antique cabbage patch kids coffee mugs. so i'm still awake. watching films and writing reviews. which is what i love to be doing a 3:24 am, even without the caffeine.

here's the deal with NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, there's three primary reasons this ANIMAL HOUSE-meets-george romero-meets-WEIRD SCIENCE-meets-john hughes-meets-SLITHER-meets-the crocodile hunter kinda movie should have been more rock-n-roll than it was:

1.) anytime a zombie film starts in outer space with naked space goblins shooting mini-bazookas and speaking some regional dialect of klingon, especially when all the naked space goblins look like an angry and drunken joe pesci at 3:24 am, then you'd think the film might be worth a dern.

2.) anytime a film revolves around zombies shooting slugs out of their mouths and foreheads and into sorority girl's mouths, you'd think the film is a winner.

3.) tom atkins: enough said.

i wanted to like this film. and at brief moments, i did like this film. when the hot sorority girl turn-cranked her middle finger up at the main frat boy, i liked the film. when detective cameron, played by tom atkins, walks into the first zombie death toll and says, "is this a murder scene or a bad B-flick film?", i liked the film.  when the kid on crutches takes a crunch near bathroom graffiti that reads "STRYPER RULES", i liked the film. and, last but not least, when the hot girl shoves a flame thrower in a zombie's face and pulls the trigger, shooting flaming slugs everywhere around her geek boyfriend's head, i liked the film. honestly, there is so much to like about this film, but there is one big-ass thing to despise:

it's so sluggishly slow.

on top of that, the film never really decides if it wants to work as a comedy or as zombified social commentary or as a basic '80s geeks-to-glory drama. are we talking SIXTEEN CANDLES, DAWN OF THE DEAD, or REVENGE OF THE NERDS here, people? i don't know. an hour and 25 minutes later, before the credits i did not watch, the film never seemed to decide.

however, as i just confessed, the film held me for the duration. i wanted to see what would happen to the dork and the hot girl. i wanted to see tom atkins come out on top. i wanted to see some good zombie gore! but all three slightly overshadowed the other ones, and the film ended with me wanting another beer at 3:24 am. 

i give NIGHT OF THE CREEPS 2.5 split open dorm mommas out of 5. this seemed like the exact kinda film that we here at Hockey Mask, Inc. are looking for; however, and alas, it did not fulfill my wishes. even though tom atkins gets a whopping 5 bullwinkle mooses out of 5, he is always winner-winner-granny-gizzards to this hamster.


John Barber said...

Night of the Creeps was one of the first zombie/frat/ridiculous movies that I ever saw. It holds a special place in my heart. Everytime I see a slug, I wanna light it on fire, thanks to this movie...

the hamster said...

(john - don't tell anyone, but everytime my wife sees a slug she says, "oooo, grab the salt!" and then she laughs real sinister like. it makes me unhappy. perhaps i should show her this so that we could then say, in concert, everytime we see a slug, "oooo, grab the flamethrower!" that would be so much better.)