Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Friday the 13th Movie That's Not a Friday the 13th Movie

Here's the deal. Take away the first couple of minutes (which is a recap of Part II), and the silliness of the final minute or so, and this isn't a Friday the 13th movie. There is no Jason mythology. There is no Camp Crystal Lake. There is a kinda deformed guy killing people. It's really like they had a script for a generic horror movie, bookended it with footage of Part II, and called it a Jason movie. This movie existed for one reason, and one reason only. To do 3-D effects. Part III was (like all Part IIIs in the 80s) filmed in 3-D. In this case, it means lots of eyeballs popping out at the audience, and a random yo-yo. Lame. At least Jaws 3-D had the freaking shark coming out of the screen. Yes there are some scenes at the end where the lumbering Jason's arms are flailing toward the screen, but it's about as scary as the opening credits of the movie - which are Superman-style 3-D text that look totally out of place in a Friday the 13th movie.

Can you tell I don't like this movie?

There is one a crazy Ralph wanna-be. He's got an eye (which is supposed to be Paul's, I guess). And he's sleeping in the middle of the street.

There are two stoners, who wear no shoes and die lame deaths. (I'm glad that you wouldn't actually fry like a catfish if you were pushed up against a fusebox)

There are three bikers who serve no purpose, other than jacking up the body count and stealing the gas from the van so that Final Girl would run out at the end (although, to be fair, it's nice to see an actual reason why the car wouldn't run, rather than the usual).

The one contribution this movie makes is the hockey mask. The hockey mask, which was introduced strictly as a plot device, somehow survived and became the icon of the series. Here, it exists only so that he can pull it off and show his face to the Final Girl (you can't dramatically show your face to the girl that you assaulted two years ago if you don't have something on your face to dramatically remove).

Anyway, the mythology picks back up in Part IV... And, we get Corey Feldman! So we got that going for us.

One crappy Pamela Voorhees jumping out of the water out of 5.


the hamster said...

i agree: part 3 is the skippable space filler to the series. it holds no bearing on future friday films. it adds nothing to the vorhees mythology or mystique. shucks, i have more to say, but i have to work. dang job.

the hamster said...

i also wanted to say - before i was so rudely interrupted by my work - that this film is an embarrassment to the good name of jason vorhees.

myleswerntz said...

i watched several chunks on youtube this week: what the EFF were they thinking have a mummy-looking Pam Vorhees jump out of the water??????

that was sheiste.

rhlkqw--roll cake