Friday, July 18, 2008
Dude, Where's My Hockey Mask, pt. 2
It seems there's an announcement that bears mentioning: Michael Bay is remaking the original Friday the 13th. I would say this is pure conjecture, except there's confirmation. Now, for this reviewer, this is pretty fine news for a couple of reasons: 1) I loved Transformers, and 2) the original Friday the 13th needs to find new blood (pardon the pun) in the same way that the Batman franchise did after suffering through the Val Kilmer/George Clooney incarnations.
Can you ever remake an original, as campy as it might be? Can a film ever be remade, or is something new made? As low-budget as the original two films are, they're...what's the word...charming? the right degree of campy? fart-tastic? I'd argue that since films are each unique instantiations, singular visions which are not repeatable, what Bay is putting together promises to be not a blow-for-blow filming of the original, but some kind of social commentary or bleed-fest all its own. I'm hoping that Jason Vorhees doesn't wind up being a metaphor for child welfare or single-parent families.
And thus, in honor of Michael Bay's honorable effort, I give you the top 5 films I'd love to see someone give a facelift to, in no particular order:
1) Plan 9 From Outer Space--I love Johnny Depp. If he's in the film, I'm watching it, and Ed Wood was the most bizarre of his films that there is, I think, with this film was the subject of the film. By all accounts, it was the worst of the worst B movies, and is dying to be reborn.
2) Simon Birch--I nearly threw up watching this, because it was a complete and total butchering of one of the most fantastic books I've ever read: A Prayer for Owen Meany.
3) Dune--I've never read the book, but been told the film doesn't come close.
4) The Stand--this one only made it to the mini-series level, but still, the miniseries was awful. The Stand is almost universally recognized as one of King's masterpieces, and if Dreamcatcher can wind up on celluloid, so can this.
5) Catwoman--I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to rank this one.
Honorable mention: Ishtar--Dustin Hoffman has to find redemption from this.