Friday, June 27, 2008


i'm not sure when latonya off and decided to fall for angelina jolie, but she did. and i let her. i've been way too busy over the years with linda hamilton and liv tyler to go mucking about with angelina jolie. still, because i love my wife, and because my wife has a big flaming girl-crush on mrs. pitt, we take in every angelina jolie flick that comes about.
but not anymore. after sitting through WANTED, my wife and i have one more thing in common: we're both ga-ga over this woman. i don't mean to be shallow here, but - to quote a better poet - "if she lived in france, she would be called le renard and she would hunted with only her cunning to protect her."
alright, alright, i didn't come here just to drool over angelina's tattoo work, and there's plenty of it in this film.
listen, people, honestly, this movie is absurd. it's ridiculous. it's totally over-the-top, completely unbelievable, and too far fetched even for what it hopes to accomplish. and it is worth every penny of the admission price.
in my book, WANTED is the definition of big summer blockbuster. dude, this flick has bullets curling around rooms, exploding sewer rats used as weapons, knife fights, fists fights, computer keyboard fights, brains exploding out of people foreheads and side of heads and back of heads in slow motion, and - some of the bossest scenes in the whole deal - cars flying over buses and into moving trains and even into position for fly-by assassinations. this film has everything that has ever happened in action movies crammed into one film.
and all this by angelina in high heels. could an action film be any better?
but the wife did not buy it. she was utterly disappointed and said it was just way too much. to which i replied, but, dear, way too much is exactly what we paid for! to which she replied, no, that's exactly what you paid for - i don't pay for pure dumb.
i give WANTED four and a half stillettos out of five. see this one on the big screen, people. and tell 'em the hamster sent you.


John Barber said...

Of course she doesn't pay for pure dumb. That's strictly a boy thing.

the hamster said...

john - got the package yesterday. i totally love CHILDREN OF THE CORN. great flick. the film is actually way better than the short story. not to mention, linda hamilton is the star. that gives the film an automatic 5 malachis out of 5. thanks a heap.

you are absolutely right: paying for pure dumb is a total dude thing. like we've discussed in letters - there is something so good about so bad. and my wife is way grateful that i have you and myles to share the so bad with.

9. can NOT WAIT to see this WALL-E! those pixar guys have not missed yet. not to mention, TOY STORY is still one of my top five favorite films of all time. love it.

Pass the Fist said...

the other night some friends and i discussed who our favorite "kick-ass chick" was. my vote is Uma Thurman over Angelina: in Kill Bill, Uma looks the hottest when she's just finished dicing up the Crazy 88s with that blonde angelic look on her face.

John Barber said...

No question, Myles. You're absolutely right. Uma is the real deal, Angelina is just play-acting. KILL BILL is the best chick-power movie ever.

Pass the Fist said...

does that say something really sick, that I find Uma obviously attractive in most films, but the hottest right after she's just performed surgery with a katana blade and wearing someone else's blood?

the hamster said...

john - "play acting"? take it back, or i will be forced to smite you about the head and shoulders!

both of you - yes, yes, and more yes: uma thurman in KILL BILL takes the pretty cake for blade slaying and kitchen-ninja fighting. i even kinda liked it when she crane yanked darryl hannah's only ocular ball straight from the cavity, and then crushed it with her own bare toes. uma ain't no joke, yo. i mean, daaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnnn! that girl can hunt!

myles - that's really sick, dude. i'm putting a new True Love Waits purity card in the mail for you tomorrow. sign it, bro!